What confidence looks like- literally!
What confidence looks like- literally!
Guest Blog by Lila Cantor
I believe that the word, confidence, has an evolving meaning and context as we grow up.
As young girls, we are told to be confident in ourselves as we enter our formative years, surrounded by our family, friends, coaches, and teachers.
As we get older, we have to fend for ourselves a bit more.
Self-love and self-care are concepts that have been brought to the forefront in the recent years in parallel with confidence for women and men. With the uprising of social media and wanting to keep up with Kardashians- our visions of our own self can become skewed, leaving us with lower self-worth and constant comparisons.
The thought of “I’m not “skinny/pretty/strong/smart” as “(fill in your insecurity)” enters our minds all too often.
I was that person.
Once I graduated from college, I entered a low point in my life after receiving a troubling health diagnosis. I was 23 years old, not pleased with what I saw in the mirror, unhappy about how I felt inside, and found myself constantly comparing myself to others.
I got to a point where feeling sorry for myself was exhausting, and I knew that I could do better.
At the end of the day, the only advocate for my health, self-care, self-love, and confidence was going to be me, so I had to do something about it.
I started to develop healthier eating habits and self-care practices, tried out boxing, fostered my healthy relationships and let go of the ones that didn’t serve me.
Fast forward four years - I am not at my highest potential, but I’m definitely getting there, and that’s good enough.
I work at a tech company where I feel intelligent and valued. I’m a girls youth soccer coach and mentor, where I get to empower young girls to be their authentic selves on and off the field.
One day, I decided to take my passion for self-love a step further and reach out to a role model and inspiration of mine: Sarah Herron.
Sarah was the first contestant on show The Bachelor to have a physical difference.
I was impressed and humbled by her bravery and confidence to go on the show. After the show, she started her own non-profit, SheLift.
The story goes that she responded to my email, we developed a virtual relationship, that led to her asking me to help her launch A Course in Confidence– a day-long workshop that helps women across the country recognize their self-limiting beliefs and their current negative narratives.
The course helps women to flip the script by writing their new mission statement for their life ahead. The day is incredibly empowering and vulnerable.
Women are asked to assert their new-found confidence from the day in a boudoir-style photo-shoot in only their bra and underwear.
As an already confident woman, this exercise really challenged me. It wasn’t easy to strip down in front of strangers- but I embraced it fully and was proud of myself.
Often times, we are our own harshest critics. When I saw the final photos from that day, I saw what real confidence looked like.
My smile, glow, and full being emanated beautifully from this static photo. Even just one year ago, I would have had a different reaction to the photos entirely.
Developing confidence is a journey. A very personal journey.
If we don’t take that challenge, that adventure of finding our highest selves- we miss out on so much that is already there within us, waiting to be seen.
Share your own confidence photos @femthrive #acourseinconfidence
About the Author
Lila Cantor works in sales and customer success at 42 Technologies, she graduated from the University of Rochester in 2014 with a Bachelors in Psychology. When she's out of the office, Lila is involved with the San Francisco Jewish Community, she’s a soccer coach for Girls Leading Girls, and she helps facilitate retreats and workshops in the self-care and self-love realm.