Dry Curiosity: Giving up alcohol...possibly forever
One Long Dry Month
By Bre Russell
Do you ever take a break from something or do a 30 day challenge?
Recently I decided to quit drinking alcohol, it’s been one month, I figured by now the 21 days to make or break a habit would have gotten me past the desire. I was wrong. It is true- alcohol is very addictive even if you only drink casually/socially or a few times a week like I did.
To help me with this challenge I read the book, Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington. She talks about her journey towards understanding what being sober means when your life is not falling apart due to alcoholism but instead maybe you want something more...something more real.
Alcohol can be a means to connection- truth, joy, liberation, aliveness, freedom. But Warrington says our brains are wired to form an attachment to alcohol. When she talks about her triggers for why she would drink, I make a list of my own.
For me, my triggers to drink are: boredom, FOMA, pain relief, social interest- makes others & myself more interesting, transcendence & lightness- more at ease/happy/out of body & mind.
What are your triggers?
Brene Brown is an expert on vulnerability and she says that alcohol numbs our vulnerability and our experience, regardless if it is a good or bad experience. “Numbing vulnerability also dulls our experience of love, joy, belonging, creativity, and empathy. We can’t selectively numb emotion. Numb the dark and you numb the light.” This is particularly true for me, often when I drink I take a joke too far or go from funny to offensive unintentionally.
I do enjoy social drinking- I’m very much a fun and bubbly drinker! When I think about what I gain from those experiences it is clear the highs I’m looking for from a drink are: relaxation, back pain relief, amusement, connection, pleasure, and transcendence.
Lately, I’ve been figuring out other ways to find this bliss without feeling hungover or dehydrated afterwards. So far, the things that stick for me are: massage or acupuncture for my physical pain relief and relaxation. Laughter with friends or comedy as well as singing for amusement. Dance and storytelling have been great for connection. Sex, reading, and learning is where I find pleasure. And music, meditation, reading, and writing take me to transcendence. Warrington suggests you can also: have one day to unplug, get into crafting/puzzles, be in nature, let out a good cry, seek adventure as ways to get the high you’re after.
How to replace alcohol in your social life?
> Switch happy hours and late dinners with brunch or walks.
> Choose an activity like: yoga, dance, crafting, game night!
> Ask for a mocktail or fun drink replacement- I loved Shirley Temple’s as a kid so I order that now instead of my usual red wine.
> Order dessert! Yes- the sugar cravings I feel now are definitely from the missing sugar from alcohol. So instead of fighting two cravings, I allow myself dessert and hopefully, once I get past the alcohol cravings, I can cut down on the sugar.
Did you ever drink in a social setting to feel more confident? I think we all have at some point or another. For me, it was mostly before speaking in front of a large a group.
Warrington suggests these tools to be confident without alcohol:
> Visualization: imagine yourself doing all the things you want to do as the most confident version of yourself.
> Positive affirmations: come up with phrases to say to yourself every day that help you become the confident person you want to be like, “I am patient and I trust the Universe”, is one I use because I want to be more patient in all areas of my life and with myself.
> Power poses: convince yourself by using your body language to display the confidence you want to exude.
> Modeling behavior: who do you want to be like? Think of that person and the qualities they possess that you want to mimic.
> Helping others: by being of service to someone in need you forget about your own problems and focus your attention on someone else igniting the compassion inside you instead of the self-loathing.
Gauge your ability to be sober in social settings by listening to your inner monologue about drinking. If you have a discussion with yourself about drinking at your friends upcoming birthday party going back and forth about it, then Warrington suggests it is better to just not drink until these inner discussions go away.
Instead of hiding like a hermit and not leaving my house, I still want to go to social events when I know others will be drinking. So I found this great list of non-alcoholic drinks: https://www.buzzfeed.com/emmacooke24/not-a-shirley-temple
At the end of the book, Warrington suggests her version of a 12 step start to sober curiosity.
Here are my favorite steps from her list:
> Choose abstinence (for however long it feels right for you).
> Know your triggers.
> Don’t make booze the bad guy.
> Don’t judge others that are drinking.
> Be grateful for the reminders.
> Be honest with yourself and others about your journey.
> Find people that love and accept you sober!
> Feel your feelings- (let them out and digest them instead of numbing them).
> Replace drinking with other activities.
> Remember the big picture- the less time you spend drinking the more time you have for your passion project, your physical health and fitness.
Above all, if you’re interested in trying a dry month, or a couple of months, or a year, remember to take it one day at a time and as Warrington quoted,
“Perfection is a prison, but excellence is elastic.”
Share this post and your sober journey @femthrive #sobercurious @rubywarrington